I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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