It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
