it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
