Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
