I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
