You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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