this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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