i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
