I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
