The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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