It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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