Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
