Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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