fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
