lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
as a side note pls kill me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
