What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
