Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
