I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
