as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
