A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
BRING THE BAGELS
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
