If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
