apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
