My hand turned me down
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
