No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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