When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
