Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
