32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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