I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
