I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
