Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
