every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
