You can't special order awesome
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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