I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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