I hate your face
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
