dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
