Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am naked and annoyed.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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