This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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