You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
