i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
