and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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