This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
