Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Blood and glitter go together right?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
