TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
