So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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