I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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