i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
