I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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