so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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