I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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