when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
