i permit you to call me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
