Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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