im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
