I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
