You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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