Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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