Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
