Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
a search helicopter?!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
